What I’d tell my 2017 self, a guest post by the wonderful Holly Christie.
Five years ago, in 2017 life was very different. I was recently separated, traumatised from a marriage which had contained a lot of domestic abuse. My job had come to an end and I was
36 with a 3 year old and 7 year old who were also adjusting to a new life.
Experiencing huge bouts of insomnia, I had a lot of time to think about the direction my life would take, but never did I think I’d end up here!
Five years later, my 3 and 7 year olds are 8 and 12 and I have a 2.5 year old daughter who keeps us all on our toes. I live in the same house, with my partner down the road, the number of pets have doubled and I have a thriving business in an industry I love. Life’s a lot calmer and happier. Living through a pandemic wasn’t fun but it certainly shaped us.
If I could go back to 2017 here’s what I would tell myself:
1. Going solo will be the best work decision you can make.
Changing my blog into a work website where I could offer website design & digital marketing strategy was a scary but necessary decision. I needed to work & I needed to be home for the boys. Five years later it’s still an amazing solution for our family (and my clients!)
2. You’ll meet some incredible people along the way & surround yourself with the most
kick-ass team.
You lose a lot of friends in divorce. Not because they take sides, some do, others just don’t know what to say so stay away and stop inviting you to things. You don’t need these people in your life. The people who replace them will be a much better fit for you and you’ll soon wonder how you ever lived without them. Same goes for work friends, who also become personal friends because, when you own your own business, you need the most kick-ass team around you.
3. This is a time for nurture, faith, growing & strength.
Lean in. Accept help. Let people step in and pick you up There’s no shame in saying ‘I need help navigating this’. Learn to do this always, not just in times of crisis and overwhelm.
4. Boundaries are a must.
Boundaries are hard. Especially when you’ve been surrounded by people who see your boundaries as a challenge or something to be broken. Or you don’t like addressing the elephant in the room. But you must get comfortable with setting them. They help everyone know where they’re at and stop you from feeling you’re being taken advantage of, both at
work and home.
5. Peoples’ opinions will stop mattering.
I was raised to believe what people thought of me was important. That I should be malleable and shape myself to show the best version of me at all times. Realistically how people treat you and what they say about you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Let them think what they like. Just be true to you.
6. You’ll get older but you’ll love it as you’ll become so sure of yourself.
I never really envisioned myself when I got older. I was definitely a live (and survive) in the moment person. I couldn’t tell you what I thought 41 would look like but I can confirm it’s pretty damned amazing. The older I get the more sure of myself I become. I’ve also dropped those toxic and challenging friendships which are draining and held me back.
7. Therapy always helps. For everything else, there’s Glennon Doyle.
I’ve had therapy multiple times in my life. It’s a wonderful space to figure things out and build a stronger future. My kids have had therapy too and my partner is a regular in the therapists chair. Creating space for yourself to make sense of your experience and the world is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.
In 2016 I discovered Glennon Doyle’s blog, books and now podcast, listening to her world view and the reminders that I have one wild and precious life and it’s mine, to be lived for me, not society’s expectations of me, has been a game changer. I’m also a big fan of Bréne Brown & Liz Gilbert as their messages are similar.
8. You’ll learn how to say no.
At one point I was so bad at this my therapist had to talk me through it step by step. Game changer! Now I say no to things I don’t feel inspired by or committed to. This includes turning down website projects if I don’t think they’re a good fit (scary when you have your own business but always worth it). Saying no helps me keep my integrity and energy for things that are right for me. You don’t have to give a reason when saying no to things, just be polite about it.
9. Yes, there will be pain but there will be so much joy, too.
If I told you the incredible amounts of pain we as a family have experienced in the last 5 years you probably wouldn’t believe me. I often find joy and pain co-exist, the experience of one adds to the value of the other. We all experience pain. Take it to your friends, work it out with a therapist, do not put it on the internet. As Glennon Doyle was once told: ‘the world doesn’t need your pain, it needs your healing. Bring your healed self to the world and you’ll change lives’.
10. People are busy, don’t take it personally.
I live alone with 3 children in 3 different life stages. People are my life-line and WhatsApp voice notes are my favourite way of keeping in touch with friends all over the world. It’s often me reaching out to them first. Do I take that personally? Hell, no! People are busy. Doesn’t mean they don’t want to hear from me, I just have more availability than them, particularly being my own boss as I can schedule breaks when I want! Keep in touch with your friends, always.
Five years ago I found the thought of the future terrifying.
Now I find it exciting! Can’t wait to see what the next five years has to offer (please, no more pandemics!)
Thank you Holly!!! Absolutely LOVE this article and I hope you’ve found it super inspiring too!! If you’d like to read my wee letter to the me of 5 years ago then shout up as I’d love to feature it!
More info about Holly….
Meet Holly Christie, Head Girl at This Demanding Life. Holly is a mum of three and mashed together motherhood, self employment & so much more. Holly is an expert in websites that work! Not just pretty (but very pretty), not just functional (but very functional), not just findable (but very findable) – think websites that are set up to ensure that your business growth is optimised and your conversions are high!
