The previous me was overweight, she was unfit and she just didn’t feel good. Lethagy consumed her. Her tired was tired. Everything was such an effort. She was dragging her arse through the day.
It’s actually bonkers that I endured it for so long when I look back now. It’s quite incredible just how far I’ve come in all honesty. There’s photos of me where my friends say I don’t even remember you looking like.
She didn’t have the energy to commit to an overhaul. She had stacks of evidence that she’d pay piecemeal to it, half arse it, get frustrated and give up. She had evidence that she’d do it for a bit then not do it anymore.
I was really honest with myself at that stage. I think it’s that level of honesty that allows you to have big breakthroughs. Not just starting off with let’s see how long it lasts this time being the vibrational undertone but facing the fact that this was the evidence before me. That I hadn’t ever managed to get to the point where it was a change of lifestyle, something that was sustainable, something that made me feel sooooo amazing, something that would become the absolute essence of who I was.
The dialogue had become that I was doing good for a fat lass with a laptop. I cringe writing that now 😱 AND at least I was funny 😱 (we might as well go whole hog and make it a hashtag to represent the cringe-o-meter of it #doublecringe). Working online from my home office I didn’t need to move very much, people only saw me from the chest up generally.
I laid out my excuses firstly and I examined them. I did the task that I teach my clients to do. Write it out (this takes away it’s tumbleweed of power, when it’s in your head it has electric charge and collects other thoughts and feelings to collaborate it), there is power in the pen! THEN, look at it objectively. Some of the things that you have written out will immediately look non-sensical and can merely be dismissed. The residal ones you need to play a game with, that game is called TRUTH OF BIG FAT LIE. So simple but oh so powerful, cutting through the BS of self talk & excuses. Is that thing you’ve written the truth (and you need evidence that it’s true) or is it a big fat lie???? Chances are there’s no foundation for the majority of them but the ones that there might be some evidence towards are the ones you can then find solutions too.
The one that I had evidence for was ~ I’d never managed to make it to a whole lifestyle change that was sustainable, joyful and I’d evolved into it just being who I was.
That one could have felt massively overwhelming.
Without the evidence that I can do this in the long term why bother starting, why put my energy into this when the likelihood is that I will end up climbing some ladders but I’ll hit the snack and return to the start again?
So there was a couple of things I implemented;
1️⃣ Just For Today ~ we don’t need to worry about how long it’ll take, we don’t need to make it feel ginormous, today (and every day) I am making this commitment to myself just for today!
2️⃣ Once day one has past ~ I Didn’t Come This Far To Only Come This Far. I was commited to not starting at day one again. I never wanted to do the first day again so I reminded myself I didn’t come this far to only come this far. That doesn’t mean that there weren’t the occasional wee snakes but I didn’t allow it beyond a little dance between a couple of squares. I wasn’t starting from day one again, ever.
3️⃣ I don’t want to disappoint my future self, I’ve not met her yet and to set off on a footing of disappointment would be really negative. You can read exactly what my future self thought in this article here ~ click to take a read ~
