Jeez, there’s so much to do in any given day/week/month. There’s so many plates to spin. A mixture of things we wanna do collide with the things that we kinda have to do. Pleasure pieces clash with obligations.
There’s a quote that says “everything that’s on your place is there because you said yes to it.” Is that really true? Well I suppose right at the core of it we do make decision that shape our world & life. If we decided that we didn’t wanna be a good human, didn’t wanna contribute to the world, didn’t wanna make a living then yeah we could say that it’s true but the reality is that there are other people in our life that are important to us, there’s roles & obligations that we want to fulfil, there’s a need for us to pay the bills ~ even Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs say that we need food & shelter & warmth right at the bottom rung of the ladder.
Sometimes our obligations are a total pleasure, sometimes there’s a small rumbling of resentment to them (which adds then a wee bit of guilt into the party too).
I was talking to someone the other day at both the environmental and hereditary susceptibility to struggles with mental health. The fact that as humans we haven’t been designed to live in the way we do right now. We are kinda a new era of lifestyle. Yes, it’s progressively gone from being scared of being eaten by wild animals to the constant stimulation of social media, the concept of having it all and the very different pressures (not lesser pressures, just different pressures).
Here’s how I think about it;
Every day we have an allocation of time, effort, energy & attention. It’s not infinite. Elements of it can be enhanced by how we look after ourselves, elements can be optimised by the decision that we make but that allocation has a ceiling.
Let’s say that that allocation is a pie, a pizza, a cake (whichever food item you wanna pick, as long as it’s circular).
PLUS your oven is only a certain size ~ hence this time, effort, energy & attention is not infinite.
Everyday those slices will be allocated in slightly different ways. There’ll be different proportions of slices to be allocated to different areas of your life.
Sometimes we will find, when we objectively consider it, we may just be diving away slices of our food items to people, things, circumstances that we don’t want to give an allocation to. Reclaim those slices!
If we looked at the standard things that require slices in your world we are able to look at the ebb & flow of where we are putting our time, effort, energy & attention. If I was going to go on a broadbrush top level as having three areas of allocation – Mum (not explanation required), Me (my personal relationships, my health & wellness, my training), Mentor (my work).
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Now, there’ll be times where my circular food item will be allocated in lovely thirds like above. BUT those days are few & far between. Each of those areas ebb & flow throughout every single day. What I tend to say is that whilst they expand & shrink to fit the day in hand none of those elements ever end up with 0% allocation. All the parts are part of who I am. Yup, there are days where work will need to shrink massively because my mum portion has grown hugely (my reality from the beginning of this week having a little one off school poorly and another in a week of work experience ~ a non-standard week in our house). Some days my training will take up a larger portion of my me slice & my kids might be doing other things. There’s ebb & flow throughout.
We can’t keep adding more, more, more because the oven is only so big, the food won’t cook, your time, effort, energy & attention is NOT infinite.
If you’re feeling under pressure, if you’re feeling like you don’t have the time, effort, energy or attention to go round then it’s time to;
- Firstly, accept that there’s ebb & flow ~ there’s no point in getting cross and arsey about it. Acceptance that it’s not linear helps massively.
- Secondly, take back any slice allocations that aren’t done with your active permission. Who or what are stealing bits of your pie? Take them back. The question is is this something I want to (or need to) allocate my time, effort & attention to?
- Thirdly, what are your non-negogiatables of allocation? What areas are you committed to investing time, effort, energy & attention into?
- Finally, where would you love to allocate your slices?
There’s times where that allocation makes our heart sing, there’ll be times where it’s a means to an ends. There’s times where we will feel like a master juggler and there’ll be times where you feel like a clumsy clown.
Yup, we can control an element of that allocation but we also must know there are times where curveballs will dictate that allocation based on what’s your plate.
I hope that helps you think about it a little bit differently.
